For a moment, nothing happened.

Last month I packed up my possessions and moved in with Conor, and the first thing I did in his lovely house was leave the immersion water heater on for three days running. If you’re not Irish you probably won’t understand the gravity of this, but let me assure you that, in Ireland, ‘leaving the immersion on’ is right up there with ‘having an abortion’ and ‘refusing a cup of tea’. At the same time.